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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Tales from the Porcelain Throne's LiveJournal:

Friday, June 24th, 2005
12:51 am
Becoming vegetarian = 1 wipe shits.

Monday, May 3rd, 2004
1:13 pm
i was outside of my friends house with my boyfriend and we were in the bushes in front of our friends house about to get naked because we can't keep our hands to ourselves when we are out and we needed a place to jump on each other without anyone else noticing..

suddenly.. i felt it and it wouldn't go away.. i had to shit sooo bad.. i had been drinking alot also, and i was totally out of it.. i was afraid i would shit on myself while the cock was rockin hard inside the front of me.. that would be the worst mess ever, and how to explain it to my friend who's house we were at?

so i quickly gathered my clothing back on me and ran into the house to shit.. after that, everything went smoothly..
Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
2:36 am
i didn't even know i had to poop.. i got home tonight and had to pee.. as i was sitting there a nice size turn came out with such ease and so unexpectingly.. a pleasant surprise to say the least...

must of been because of the KY...

Saturday, May 31st, 2003
1:27 am
i was at the diner last night.. takin a poop.. and it hurt like a fuckin bitch to get out.. it was kinda quick of course.. but it hurt like sharp rocks.. and then when i went to wipe and i saw some blood.. that really sucked.. but then the phone in the diner rang and i couldn't be worried about my ass bleeding.....
Thursday, May 8th, 2003
10:54 am
i ate a little bit of tofu yesterday
and it wasn't that bad.. jay made me eat it.. he made it sound pretty good.. i told him he should do infomercials..

ANYWAY.. boy did i need to POOP when i got home last night..
but it wasn't the yucky kind of poop
just big, solid, tight turds

and it didnt smell, i didn't need to wipe it after (although i did once anyway) and it was all good

Current Mood: cheerful
Saturday, March 15th, 2003
8:16 pm
It was official... my ASS WAS ON FIRE

...I was sitting in the middle of class, daydreaming of typical teenaged-girl things,(mmm shaved squirrels in a bathtub full of tartar sauce..) when I felt a low, hollow gurgle beckon from the pit of my stomach (or as Pooh would put it, " There's something rumbly in my tumbly!"). I ignored the familiar sound until I found that it was accompanied by a tugging, throbbing cramp in my lower abdomen. This led me to the notion that it was time to take a good, long, satisfying DUMP.

My hand shot up into the air, (somehow, this has became the universal hand-gesture for "Teacher, please acknowledge me, as I need to ask a favor" or something of that nature)signaling for the teacher's immediate attention. Ms. Kessington, my lovely and well-mannered (but somewhat absent-minded) teacher met my eye contact, and lifted her index finger in a generic form of sign language (in America, this means "One Moment"... but in Mexico, this means "Uno Momento").

And so I sat there, patiently awaiting the delivery of my happy, little, blue hall pass that would enable me to "drop the Cosby kids off at the pool". Several seconds passed.. which turned into minutes. "Umm.. Ms. Kessington?" I uttered, in a held-back, airy grumble -- being careful not to project my voice as it would make my diaphram bulge against my lower intestine and ,thus, causing me to shit all over the place, "In a second, Gina", she replied, in a slightly distracted tone.

Once again, I waited. And waited... all the while, my stomach sloshed and chirtled as my sphincter pukered and clenched in attempts to prevent a giant #2 from glooping and splishing all over my cheap, plastic public-school desk. Lawd, did I have to poop! But I kept my cool... Ms. Kessington was probably just a little busy, that's all. No biggie. *gurgle, slosh, frish* AAGHHH FUCK! My hand shot up into the air, once again -- this time, swaying frantically in a desperate effort to be seen and sent to the little girls' room. " MS. KESSINGTON, MS. KESSINGTON! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE LOOK AT ME!" I screamed from the inside of my hand, which almost felt as if it emmitted from my ears. She glanced at me, unphased by my hysterics, and continued to pass through the classroom, looking at papers and assisting other students. That fucking bitch is ignoring me! THAT FUCKING UNDERPAID, LOW CLASS, BAD DRESSING, CUNT OF A TEACHER IS IGNORING ME! That was it... I couldn't take it much longer.

I DASHED OUT OF THE CLASSROOM, squeezing my ass cheeks together harder than a Buns Of Steel instructor wearing a cheap thong! I could feel the warm ooze begin to make its way down my asscrack, trailing down into my panties. The sloppy warmth was preparing to leave its mark down my inner thighs -- but, alas! I found the toilet! Being the girly-girl that I am, I held my feces in for a few moments longer as I placed fresh toilet paper along the seat and made a sturdy stance for my hovering.

Awwhh, the release of my anus rewarded me with instant relief as the watery dung splippered out of my asshole. My crap splurged and squirged its way down my colon and out into the open, dropping into the bowl like a heavenly stream of dark, and slightly lumpy malt syrup... but it didn't stop.. It just...IT JUST KEPT GOING! Every so often, the steady sound of flowing doo-doo would be broken up by a harmonius, wet flatulence *FWROOMP*. Damn, nasty diarrhea farts... But, my tuckus still wouldn't stop leaking...

The brown fluid, that excreted from my mooky-stink cavern, soon became a greenish-yellow, signifying bile and stomach acids... The acidity of my intestinal fluid was burning my anal opening, making each wet fart feel like a fireball from Hell. The severity of the intense pain brought a tear to my eye. Would I ever stop shitting? Would this madness cease? Does God have genitals, and if so...why would He need them? Questions such as these arouse in my mind... then suddenly... IT STOPPED! I STOPPED POOPING!

Wiping myself, front to back and never back to front (that's just nasty, ew), I heard the slight sound of snickering from below the bathroom stall. Hmmm, apparently my little caucaphony of sphinctoral music caused quite a scene. Bashfully, I approached the sink to wash my hands (for those of you that don't know.. washing your hands after going potty is always good hygeine). I casually made my way down the hallways and into Ms. Kessington's classroom. Heh, she didn't even notice I was gone. I sat in my seat and was greeted by a rough, burning sensation erupting from the outer flesh of my abyssal-like bowels... It was official -- my ass was on fire.

Current Mood: crappy
Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
1:46 am
grabbed pajama pants off the floor and a shirt and downstairs with me. it came out easy, just slow. it felt like it was about 3 feet long. it did stick out of the water. and i couldn't see the other end. so maybe it was 3 feet. it felt like there was more on the way, and it'll probably be out later, but while i was trying to push it out i realized what shirt i was wearing...it says 'poopstock 95: one day of love, music, and human waste' on it and has the woodstock bird, sitting on a guitar, shitting on somebody's head. but i digress. of course it was a tough shit to flush. 3 or 4 flushes, a plunger session in there somewhere...and with my luck the damn thing is still not flushing quite right.
Monday, February 24th, 2003
5:26 am
i just took one hell of a monster mega crap. well, at least it felt like it was gonna be one. the farts were getting pretty deadly, but the shit came out nice and easy and pretty clean, and didn't take too long either. i feel better now.
Monday, December 16th, 2002
12:48 pm
public porcelain thrones in BCC are evil.
Men's bathroom has no toilet seat covers
and i was just forced to (i was takin a shit next to this guy)
listen to this guy flush wipe flush wipe sniff sniff flush flush wipe wipe zip (bag) flush wipe. This went on for a while while i was trying my hardest to relieve myself. Jeez.
I've seen womens' bathrooms with fucking couches for god's sakes. But we can't get any decent seat covers? wtf is the problem. On my left was a number in case i need my dick sucked, presumably while taking a shit.

Thank you BCC for your wonderful 'thrones and people with really odd shitting? habits.
Monday, November 25th, 2002
2:40 am
hrm. i took a much less messy shit this evening, but for some reason it made my ass burn.
Sunday, November 24th, 2002
6:24 am
my poopies have all been the same..
slips out real fast without leaving behind a trace..
just escapes without any evidence..

i'm so glad i never have to waste time standing over the toilet wiping my ass...

Current Mood: amused
6:02 am
ugh...real messy one yesterday, and it smelled like chili and onions, plus i had to get more out when i got home from work and probably again this morning.....

i think there's something i need to stop eating at the diner, much as i like the stuff...dammit, what happened to my iron stomach? oh wait, that was andrey...nevermind. i was the one who used to have to leave the local chinese buffet before the rest of my group sometimes because i'd have to take a monster shit....
Friday, November 8th, 2002
8:00 pm
i finally pooped today.. it came out so hard.. they were roundish turds, like medium size, there was probably five of them and some were light brown and some were dark brown.. it looked like smooth stones.. and of course.. i only wiped once and i really didn't even have to.. it felt so good to shit though.. like i lost twenty pounds.. it had been since tuesday!!

Current Mood: poopish
2:58 am
i have this feeling that i won't be able to shit to save my life.. i haven't taken a shit since late late tuesday night.. tomorrow will be friday.. ever since i got home thought tonight i've had gas, the good smelly stuff too..
dans taken like five shits in the past two days.. WHY CAN'T I SHIT??

Current Mood: poopy
Thursday, November 7th, 2002
10:40 pm
i made no poopies today =( i can't shit ever since the other night when i got real f*cked up.. that was two days ago!!

Current Mood: KONstipated?!?
5:16 am
poopy first post
i took this monster crap tonight...and of course i had to meet people at the diner in 10, so naturally it didnt go smoothly...i pushed it out but was wiping forever and had to go back and crap again later.

that was a shitty post (haha), but i think it sets the stage here...go on, you know you wanna tell us all about the last deuce you dropped but you think no one wants to hear that shit....well, we do here.
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